


Stay?

by henriqua



Series: Otayuri Week 2017 [5]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, OtaYuri Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-25 15:03:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9825722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/henriqua/pseuds/henriqua
Summary: Otayuri Week 2017 Day 5: Fears | Yuri knows it's only a matter of time before Otabek realizes he can get anyone – boy, girl, older or younger – and comes to the conclusion that, in the end, Yuri isn't actually that special.





	

Yuri holds his breath when he leaves the bed, knowing very well Otabek is a light sleeper. He doesn't turn on any lights when he walks through the apartment on bare feet, grabs a zip-up jacket with the name of his home country printed across the chest and pulls it on when stepping out on the balcony. He's met with the chilly air of an early morning Barcelona, the smell of rain fallen during the night still lingering around. The city isn't quiet, it's never quiet, and the distant chats of people who rise with the sun reach the balcony.  
  
The idea of having a ten-day vacation in Barcelona – in a city that is practically _theirs_ – had been so exciting but right on that moment Yuri feels sick because he is so far away from home.  
  
Yuri leans against the railing and sighs, the sleepless night heavy in his bones. Despite the image he has created of himself, the confident and slightly arrogant Russian punk everyone sees him as even though he is a bit older and more mature now, Yuri can't stop the vicious cycle of over-thinking he has fallen in. People who are close to him know Yuri isn't like his public image, that actually he's sensitive and hard-working, but even Viktor who has basically seen him grow up to the person he is now would be surprised to know how weak Yuri has become.  
  
Physically Yuri is far from weak: he's on top of every possible chart, his skills on ice shaking the figure skating world. There are seniors who look up to him and after his latest win someone had called him the next Viktor Nikiforov.  
  
Yuri doesn't answer the questions about all the glorious titles he is given by others because he doesn't care. He's there to skate, not to collect nicknames.  
  
Otabek, on the other hand, has gotten more comfortable with the cameras and commotion around him. He's talented, he has always been, but now he gives a shy smile to the cameras while waiting for his points and thanks his family in interviews with gentle eyes. He's slowly letting the world see the man Yuri has known for four years and it makes Yuri weak in the worst possible way.  
  
Yes, Otabek tells Yuri he loves him, shows it through words and actions every single day, and it's probably jealousy, or maybe it's his lack of confidence when it comes to being himself out of the ice, but Yuri knows it's only a matter of time before Otabek realizes he can get anyone – boy, girl, older or younger – and comes to the conclusion that, in the end, Yuri isn't actually that special. Yes, he might be record-breaking figure skater with a pretty face but he's fragile, inexperienced in real life and has a bad personality (if personality at all).  
  
A man walking down the street with a dog says something in Spanish to the woman walking behind them, holding hands with a giggly toddler, and the couple laughs. Yuri closes his eyes and bites his lip, forcing the shuddering breath and tears away. He's not going to cry, not after spending the long hours of the previous night shedding quiet tears while all the anxiety and fear and weakness had made his chest so heavy he couldn't breathe.  
  
Yuri rests his head on his hands, the cold metal of the railing against his skin a shocking contrast to the hot tear on his cheek, and mentally curses at himself for failing (again).  
  
”Yuri?” Yuri jumps at Otabek's voice, still heavy and hoarse with sleep, and quickly dries his face on the sleeves of his jacket.  
  
”Sorry, I couldn't sleep. You can go back to bed,” Yuri says quickly, not turning to look at Otabek. He feels the presence of the older man behind him and prays he sounds even somewhat normal.  
  
”Is everything alright?” Otabek places a hand on Yuri's shoulder and the burning of tears behind the blond's closed eyelids is getting too much to bear.  
  
”I'm fine, just fine, I'll come back inside in a minute,” Yuri says but his own voice betrays him, hitching in the middle of the sentence when the first tears roll on his cheeks.  
  
”Wow, hey, hey,” Otabek says, surprise in his voice, and wraps his arms around Yuri, getting him to turn around and hide his face in the worn-out T-shirt Otabek sleeps in. ”Hey, baby, what's wrong?”  
  
Otabek sounds confused and worried, and that only makes Yuri feel worse – he doesn't want to spend their last moments together making Otabek worried, he wants to make him happy, he wants to see him laugh and smile and have sparkles in his eyes.  
  
”Don't leave me,” Yuri whispers against the fabric of Otabek's shirt, hoping it eats his words and makes them impossible to hear. He hates being selfish like this, he hates how he can't pull himself together when it's everything he wants to do.  
  
”Hm? I'm not going anywhere.”  
  
”But you will.”  
  
”What did you say? I can't hear you.” Yuri takes a deep breath to calm himself down and bites down the sobs, clears his throat and finds it impossible to look up at Otabek.  
  
”You will. Eventually.”  
  
”Who told you that?” Otabek's tone changes, he sounds stern and concerned, his arms strong around Yuri.  
  
”No one. I did. Kinda. I'm not enough, there's nothing in me that others don't have,” he says, fists full of Otabek's shirt. His tears leave dark dots on the cold balcony floor and he's angry at himself for crying like that in front of the older man.  
  
”Yuri,” Otabek says, so softly it almost breaks the blond's heart. ”Yuri, look at me.”  
  
Yuri raises his eyes, ashamed because he knows he looks like a mess. Otabek catches a tear on his finger and traces the blond's cheekbone with his thumb.  
  
”You're the most amazing figure skater in the world. Anyone who has eyes agrees with me on that.”  
  
”But that's _on ice_. As a person I'm just noth–”  
  
”Let me talk. I'm not finished.” Yuri sighs deeply but closes his mouth and Otabek nods, his hand still on Yuri's cheek. ”You get excited over small things that mean a lot to you, and you're so cute when you do that. You care about the people around you so much you would be ready to do anything for them, hm? The well-being of others is more important to you than your own, and the way your tone changes when you talk to your cat is the most adorable thing I've ever witnessed. You're _so_ beautiful. You're the most amazing thing that has happened to me, and I would be mad crazy to let that go. Let you go. I love everything in you, even the parts you think are imperfect.”  
  
There's new tears leaving trails on Yuri's skin, but this time they aren't made of self-loathing and fear. He puts his own hand on top of Otabek's and lets the older man kiss him, the touch soft and salty.  
  
”I love you, and I should tell you that more often,” Otabek says and Yuri shakes his head, squeezing the hand under his own.  
  
”It's my fault, I just– I can't– the way others look at you is just so–”  
  
”Shh, darling,” Otabek whispers and kisses Yuri's forehead, a gentle smile on his face. ”I don't care about them. I only want you.”  
  
Yuri nods and lets out an embarrassed laugh, tries to hide his break-down under it. The sleeves of his jacket go damp when he presses them over his eyes, and Otabek's strong arm around his shoulders feels reassuring.  
  
”I need to sleep,” Yuri confesses, his voice small and broken, and lets the older man guide him through the apartment to the bedroom. Yuri buries his head on the nape of Otabek's neck when they settle on the bed and breaths in the familiar scent, the feeling of long fingers combing through his hair sending shivers down his spine.  
  
Yuri falls asleep with a mind empty of fears, knowing he won't be alone when he wakes up.

 

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika)


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